The Transgressions of Badger X

Dear Neighbours,

I hope that this finds you well. It has been our pleasure these last few months to host your nightly incursions into our garden, and we were very delighted a few nights back to see your new cub. He looked very well.

I hope you have enjoyed the small snacks and bowls of water (and the pond) provided for your refreshment. I have reassured other neighbours and friends, who were sceptical that having so many of you regularly in our small garden would not cause some problems, that this happily has not been the case. I appreciate that you need to root in the borders for your food and the few small plants that I have had to replant have worried me not a jot.

However, I feel that I have to write and voice concern about the incident on last Thursday night at two o’clock in the morning. As I think you know, we – the house dwellers - are basically diurnal in habit and hence the garden-share with you (as you require it mainly at night time) has worked out well for all of us. I was probably foolish in leaving the bin bag outside, especially as it had an old peanut sack inside it and some other old and smelly food items which no doubt drew your attention, but the noise one of you made in disemboweling the bin bag woke the whole house up! And whichever of you this was, did not seem the least bit inclined to leave when I shone a torch on him (or her) and requested this. Indeed, even when I went into the garden ‘Badger X’ seemed loath to leave the sack alone. This was at least somewhat impolite.

But more seriously, I strongly recommend that you guys do not develop the habit of raiding bin bags as this will not play well with our other neighbours. I believe that the headmaster next door is already a little troubled at your seemingly growing number and I should stress that you will need to continue to cross his garden to get to mine.

Anyway, this is I am sure merely a minor glitch in our otherwise harmonious and mutually enjoyable relations, and snacks and drinks were of course provided as usual last night. I hope that these were satisfactory (and of course the bin bag has been safely stowed to avoid further temptation).

With kind regards,

Mark.

Badger X?